To the 911 operator who located my car (and therefore me and my daughter), gave me instructions and kept me from coming completely unhinged - thank you. Your voice was a lifeline I never really understood until I needed one. You are wonderful and amazing and if I can work out how to find you, I will.
Lucia didn't feel good very much the same way I didn't feel good except maybe not so bad. I'd been toying with the idea of taking her to see doc but I know what they always say, looks viral, go to bed, drink lots of fluids and try to eat. And she was going to school, she was just really tired. Her therapist spit venom at me on Saturday and said that I must take her. Well all righty then, off we go, another half day of work missed for a non-diagnosis of something that will take a few weeks to work out of her system.
At 9:08 Lucia called my cell phone and said she really didn't feel good and wanted to come home. I asked if she wanted to wait for me or if she wanted me to get Nanny to come get her. She said, in her smallest little girl voice, I want Momma. OK. I called the doc and was told I could get her in at 10:30 (fabulous!). I called my boss and told him I would be back online from home as soon as I got back from Doc's. He said, OK. So I drove back to Weston, picked up Lucia (who looked Pitiful with a capital P) and headed into New Canaan to see Doc. While waiting in line to check in, Lucia sat down. I say sat but fell is probably more accurate except she rather gracefully used the wall. We were sent upstairs immediately. Doc didn't like what she saw (same way my Doc didn't like what he saw) and ordered a bunch of blood work, sending us on our way. We drove through Norwalk until we found the blood place, went in, took a number and sat down. Lucia curled up on my shoulder and we looked at women's magazines because we never see any and we're fascinated.
It smelled really bad in the blood place. It felt bad too. Lots and lots of sick people. I went in with Lucia because she was unsteady and hates having blood taken. This is because the last time she had blood taken she fainted and threw up apricots. She can't stand apricots anymore either.
We got through that and headed toward home. She told me she felt awful and was sure it was the blood. I explained that having blood drawn would not make a person woozy but that the mind was a very powerful thing and that she could make herself feel that way very easily. We didn't get very far down the road, I called NoMans to tell him we were going home, and while I was on the phone she did a very strange thing. Lucia unbuckled her seatbelt and tried to open the door of our moving vehicle. I swerved and yelled at her and she pulled the door shut. I thought she was going to be sick and looked for a place to pull over. I made it another 20 yards and pulled up a side street and into someone's driveway. She opened the door.
And sat there. I asked if she was going to be sick and she said no so I said, OK, close the door. She reached out to close the door and as she leaned back in her entire body convulsed, foam poured out her mouth and she made the most terrifying animal sounds, rolling forward toward the dash. I undid my seat belt and got in front of her as she leaned back, arched and rolled her eyes back into her head.
The world went white.
I still had my headset on and I looked at my phone and thought White White White White call NoMans and then I dialed 911...
... and somebody answered it this time.
I said that my daughter was seizing and we were somewhere off East Avenue in Norwalk and I thought I might have crossed the Post Road but other than that I had no idea. He tracked me by the GPS that is probably in all phones by now but couldn't quite get me triangulated. I could not hear sirens.
I got out of the car and ran around to open her door and roll her over but it was in the wrong direction. I put her seat all the way back like he told me too and she kept frothing and her eyes stayed back. Periodically she just looked like she was unconscious. I got back in the car on my side and rolled her toward me and spoke to her. At some point I had to leave her alone to run down to the bottom of the street to find out where I was. I ran back up and jumped in the car and wondered why no one could see this and help us. I rolled her over again and rubbed her back like he told me too and he was with me the whole time.
She woke up and started to howl. I held her and kissed her face and told her to breathe. She told me it hurt so bad and then she did it again. A Police cruiser pulled up and I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life. He opened her door and spoke to her. She responded a little, she knew her name. And then I heard the sirens and the ambulance pulled up the street and many people got out with a stretcher.
We got her out of the car and onto the stretcher. They slapped oxygen on her face and she kept seizing. I had to move the car and the cop helped me get it out of the way and then me into the front seat of the ambulance as they kept asking me questions and I kept trying to call NoMans back and finally succeeded and said he must come now. I also called her father and was sent right to voicemail and left a nearly incoherent message stating, seizure, Lucia, Norwalk hospital, ambulance, come now. I tried her brother but he won't take my calls.
We spent three hours in the emergency room having a blood workup and a Ct Scan. Lucia settled down and didn't seize again. It has been determined that the Lucia seizures were not seizures but convulsions (this matters, in her life and to her life, a lot). Looks like a seizure, smells like, tastes like, sounds like but is not. Ct Scan normal, electrolytes normal. Mono test negative.
We were allowed to take her home.
I made two batches of chocolate pudding because that's what she wanted. I prepared two racks of lamb with acorn squash and pasta and then came in here to let go. Lucia has come in and passed out on my bed.
We will stay home together tomorrow and see what we see. We will go back to see Doc the next day or day after and see what we see. We will wait for the rest of the blood and see what we see.
Lucia is not going to die today. Today, it seems, was not a day for dying.
I have never been so scared in my entire life, and I have been scared for my life twice. I thought she was going to die in my arms. I really did. Someday I will breath again.