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February 18, 2008



It's funny what you remember and what you forget when you break, isn't it? Mine was really very calm, except for the uncontrollable crying part. My husband was in Raleigh and I called his cell and told him, very calmly, that our neighbor was taking me to the hospital and I would be checking myself into the psychiatric wing. Things didn't go quite that smoothly, though...no room in the inn that evening, so I wound up 30 miles away in another hospital. I was particularly fond of the strip search! And I didn't see my husband at all before going behind the locked doors.

Don't remember much about my days in the hospital, other than being amazed at how many people there knew each other from previous stays. Must have been a frequent flyer program I didn't know about or something. There was one guy that told me, during a hand of poker, how to get high on oxycontin. Silly me, I took it for pain instead of snorting or shooting it for fun. I also remember lots of screaming coming from the other side of more locked doors behind the locked doors I was behind.

What really scares me, though, is that sometimes I really, really, really want to go back to the hospital. It was safe in a weird way. No responsibility for other people's problems; no demands for my time or attention or money or anything.

Life will change, definitely. You may want to break again and, at least in my experience, that's ok too and may even be necessary.



Honey (which is the Southern way to say, I love you), I am afraid to say much of anything. I may well be, you know, full of sh*t.

Just know I'm reading and rooting for you.


Hey, girl. I'm not physically there with you but I am in spirit. You're tough and you're smart. Most of all you have something inside you that will get you where you need to be and when you need to be there. Of that I'm sure. There is no doubt. Just hang tough and ride things out. I'm rooting for you too.


Yep, and me too. You do whatever it is you need to. I thought I left a more articulate comment than that earlier today but perhaps not... I seem to have trouble duplicating the little letters and numbers that prove I'm a real person. Heh.

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