I picked up the phone and dialed four digits that would voip (voip is a verb now, even if it wasn't already it's high time and I just made it so because if you can dial a four digit office extension and be delivered to a home office...) me 200 plus miles and one state North into the home office of Beloved Boss.
Ever notice how sometimes when somebody close to you or someone else suddenly passes they go from being mildly tolerable to downright sainthood? Like when my paternal grandparents were living in close quaters in their later years used to fight like cats and dogs; or to be more specific my grandmother would needle, complain and bitch within four to six feet of my grandfather's head (I swear half the time just to get a rise out of the man) and he'd sit there in his recliner with his Manhattan in hand as if she hadn't said a thing. Drove the woman absolutely batshit. The minute he died he attained instant sainthood. These things happen and I do believe it's perfectly natural in a lot of cases (and in some cases definitely not so much) and I'm not going to get into the psychological implications past I'm pretty sure it's part of the grieving process and what we choose to remember when all is said and done.
Anyway, Boss has been elevated to the status of Beloved Boss and there is a truckload of evidence to support that elevation (begin with February 2008) in the last 5 years and 8 months despite the fact that he has the capability of pissing me off to the point of absolute hysteria (all stealth like, of course, into a paper bag. for the most part because when the paper bag blows out and stuff well stuff happens but generally I make it to the ladies or the stairwell before the gnashing of teeth gets really loud).
The truth is I'm homesick. Already. Oh, don't worry. I haven't forgotten why I'm leaving and what I won't miss and I'm not having regrets or second thoughts but I'm painfully aware of what I will miss and I think that's a good thing. I'm also perfectly aware that I'm scared shitless. On the brink of the solstice. Well, yesterday it was the brink of the solstice. Today it is.
I was laying in bed last night trying to decide if this was really Part II of my life because there have been some rather abrupt shifts in the last almost 48 years but when it comes right down to it this really is the big one. There are enough distinctions, or maybe one major distinction that makes it so. I am not running away from home, I am walking and not to some other House of My Father either. There is no safety net over there although all safety nets are illusions and based on the results of the last net, well there wasn't anything safe about that at all. Let's call that a venus fly trap without taking shots at people because I'd like to remain accountable, just circumstances and choices.
I was cornered in the mall by the CFO.
I was done with my last minute in the mall type shopping and he was on his cell phone and I saw him and he didn't have his glasses on and it was out of context and I was standing there torn between wait in case I should wave or run like hell when he looked up from his conversation and instead of giving me a friendly nod or wave which he would anyway he put up the wait for a minute finger signal and got the hell off the phone.
I'll leave the conversation to your imagination. I'm not going to repeat it here. I've still got a bad case of the willies. Let's just say in the big picture it was very nice. Probing, but nice.
My departure is still not really public knowledge and the project has gone belly up. I sent the consultant home at 11:30 yesterday. That the project has gone belly up isn't public knowledge yet either. We are in the process of determining what to do next. What to do next will not begin until January 31 at the earliest because it's another one of those scorched earth situations where it got so bad we're going to have to wipe the whole thing out and start over and this time there's going to need to be a different approach. I guess I'm going to help drive that decision, the plan and the time line and then walk out the door.
Beloved Boss told PM he felt like he'd been hit by a truck.
I'm sorry. But everybody leaves sometime and I'm still sorry on a personal level that you feel like you've been hit by a truck. I'm sorry because the time you had a family emergency and disappeared off the face of the earth abruptly and I thought you were gone I felt like I'd been hit by a truck too.
This was a really hard thing to do. As hard as I thought and not so hard because nobody was mad. I had to wait for my boss to process on the phone after I told him and then he asked for me to send him something in email he could give to HR and I asked what it should contain and he said I should figure that out and then we moved right into the project debrief and then after we did that and he'd settled down he said, 'I'm not happy about this' and I said, 'I'm not either, but you know I have to do this' and he said, 'I know and that's why I'm not going to ask you not to do it' and I said, 'I've never wanted to leave a company less' (and THAT actually is the truth because by the time I generally get around to leaving I'm about ready to run all the way to Texas).
And then I went back to my desk and tried to work out what I should send in an email and came up with two lines and then got on the first of a whole bunch of conference calls that would in the end take down the project for good. In the mean time I was wondering when HR was going to show up in my cube and take me away mid-sentence but they never did. Beloved Boss was pretty sure they would not but you never do know and he could see why I would be worried about that and I told him I'd done everything I could to make sure he'd have a lot of doc to walk him through the hot spots if that happened.
Gracefully. I think I finally figured out how to do this. What happens next is entirely up to the company but I'm OK.
Hokey. I know.
But I really sort of like the bit about the monolith being in the water and the water only having ripples, not crashing waves.