Cletus and the walkabout

Several years ago Numbah One Son was presented with the opportunity to go on walkabout in Europe. Now, walkabout in this family is not an easy thing. It's not designed to be an easy thing and I've never actually done it. I was first thrust across 'the pond' by my boss at The Castle and while it scared the bejesus out of me initially I was certainly taken care of with regard to travel, lodging, meals, expenses and all that. I even had a road map. I was scared because it was different and new and I was in the UK for pete's sake! I couldn't figure out how to call home. It was ridiculous. Oh wait. I'd even been to Germany with my family when I was 19 or 20 or something like that to visit my uncle but I was definitely a passenger on that trip.

Anyway, the opportunity was presented to Numbah One Son. One of the things he was given was a frequent flier ticket routing him through several connecting countries (because it was a frequent flier ticket) and eventually landing him in Spain or something like that. He was also given the names and numbers of friends and relatives across the world. He was given the promise of seed money (not enough, he'd have to work for more and raise more) and some books meant to educate him on the concept of the European rail system (should he choose to use it) and hostels. And he was pointed toward the internet.

He chose not to go for many reasons. No judgement. He just didn't.

Oh wait. There was judgement. Cletus threw a fit. She would have been fourteen or fifteen at the time and the concept of walkabout in a plethora of strange lands was about the best thing she could imagine. This from the kid who was, and often still is completely unwilling to communicate with strangers. She swore if she was ever given the opportunity she'd be all over it. She declared him batshit nuts.

I won't go into the multitude of roadblocks in his way because he could have walked through any of them. He simply did not. The thing is she's going to be facing at least one of the same roadblocks and it's going to be interesting to see what she does with it, said roadblock being her father. We'll leave that alone, it's not part of this story, just a note.

So the purpose of walkabout is exposure and survival to some extent. You're not being tossed to the wolves but in this generation we have over cared for our children to the point where they are nearly incapable of functioning outside the bubble on their own. I'm guilty to a large extent as my brother pointed out when Numbah One Son went tharn like a rabbit in an airline terminal never once thinking to look up and read the arrival and departure monitors to figure out what gate he should head toward. He called Baby Brother in a panic instead. That sort of thing.

Cletus watched the entire thing unravel I suppose. She looked at the books and listened to the conversations and thought about the possibility of a journey into an unknown. For whatever reason she didn't think the chance would come her way and for whatever reason it didn't occur to her to do this without the jump start. After all, if you time it right you can get yourself a last minute ticket overseas for a very reasonable price.

She's been given the jump start.

One week early this summer (I don't recall which week) Cletus will fly by herself to Italy (at least I think it's Italy) and spend a week with family and friends without Momma and Elizabeth. Just Baby Brother and Aunt and Grandpa and Step-Grandma too. And a whole lot of Aunt's family she doesn't know (that ought to be daunting enough to stop her in her tracks but apparently it is not). It's a frequent flier ticket. Not designed to be easy and I don't know which country she'll fly out of to come home.

I don't know how long she'll be gone. She'll have to work that out with her father because she works for her father's company these days. He frowns on this sort of thing. I suspect she's just pig headed enough to blow through him. She's going to be sleeping in cramped hostels with complete strangers and learning to live on very little dollars a day (It's not $5 or $10 anymore but it ain't much). She has the luxury (and this IS a considerable luxury) of periodically being able to dial phone numbers that will be answered by complete strangers (to her) who will be delighted to give her a meal and a couch. Even for a few days. And act as tour guides. And listen to her stories. And share some of their own.

She's going to be off the grid without a map.

Jeeze O'Pete. For real? Will she do it? I think so.

Which brings us to Elizabeth.

Where to go with Elizabeth this summer without Cletus. This has never happened. It was bound to happen eventually. Strange how the subtraction of one person can make such a difference. Changes everything, it really does. Elizabeth is incensed. Why can't we go on walkabout with Cletus too? We can't go on walkabout because this is Cletus's walkabout. You can go on walkabout when you're older if you so choose.

Wait. Go get yourself online and tell me what we're doing this summer. You don't have very much money so plan accordingly. Work it out. Dream big or small but this is your chance. You also don't have any frequent flier miles so don't be telling me we're going to Europe unless you plan on hitting up family members and quite honestly that boat sailed already. You also don't have very much time. We aren't taking off for six weeks. We're taking off for one week. Go to it.

Once she forgot about the fact that we don't have frequent flier miles and had us hiking, starting in Zurich and staying in hostels. She had a week all mapped out. Later she had us at the bottom of the Grand Canyon but hadn't quite figured out how long it was going to take to drive to Arizona (or how much money in gas but... at the rate she was going she'd have traded gas money for motels and had us sleeping in the car). She's dreaming, plotting scheming. She's not kidding.

The thing is I hear people with dreams and desires and wants which are immediately followed with a barrel load of I can'ts because it has to look a certain way or it's scary or something. Usually it comes out sounding like it has to look a certain way and that certain way involves a good amount of money because we only know that one way of having something. Other times I hear fear or judgment thrown up like brick and mortar until we're boxed up nice and tight and the dream is outside the wall until it's entirely forgotten. Not for the likes of us. For someone else.

I hear it out of my own mouth too. 

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Juxtapositions

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Where we live. A number of Cletus's friends had a year, a semester, a summer away, in Europe, in India, elsewhere. Some were very well cared for and one lived in more difficult circumstances in India but still, she was well cared for. All of these trips away were for their own good; to fix something, to fill a gap, a void, some hole that kept them from doing or behaving or continuing down the expected road. Only one of them was really meant to be on a journey. But still, she was meant to come home with a fresh outlook on life and then get herself back on track.

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What is on track? I have no idea and quite honestly it isn't up to me.

This is what I think. I think if you can pick yourself up, out of *this* culture, fly out of your native space and into the unknown with very little funds and only a self directed road map and come back with your own stories and own experiences then you can do anything.

Because you can see yourself outside the brick and mortar. Brick and mortar comes in all shapes, sizes and flavors. And good lord are we attached to it. Mine is quite cozy. How 'bout yours?

It is when I am uncomfortable...

Comments

[Madcap]

You mean your "brick and mortar" is when you're uncomfortable? Mine's similar - I'm not "at home" unless I'm in the midst of some kind of challenge. When things get too routine, I feel like I'm sinking into the grave. But the whole time I'm thrashing around in my challenges, I fantasize about curling up with a book and quilt.

All the best to Cletus. My girl seems to be gearing up for something similar, and sometimes it's hard to just shut-up and watch. Least it is for me.

[shadowmoss]

I know my world, as perceived by me, has been totally up-ended as a result of living outside the US this past 1.5 years. I don't really notice it much until I go back. So much that I no longer take for granted. Adaptability was beaten into me with the celestial 2x4. I think the biggest thing I can give voice to about it is letting go of expectations and having to deal with reality not matching what we didn't even realize we expected as normal.

[Cielo]

You wasn't kidding, was you? Thanks.

[Kitt]

I worked in France as a nanny at 19 and in China as a teacher in my 20s, and while my parents were worried sick, they rolled with it and ended up proud.

When you're young is the time to see as much of the world as you can, before obligations and doubts creep in. I'll always be grateful for that opportunity. I'll bet Cletus will be, too.

[Kitt]

I worked in France as a nanny at 19 and in China as a teacher in my 20s, and while my parents were worried sick, they rolled with it and ended up proud.

When you're young is the time to see as much of the world as you can, before obligations and doubts creep in. I'll always be grateful for that opportunity. I'll bet Cletus will be, too.

[CG]

I am experiencing so many things right now -- like that any time is a good time, not just when you are young (and maybe not even especially when you are young -- maybe some age and experience are a good thing before heading out to rumspringa). I had a good dose of my own fear and uncomfortableness this very weekend. Sometimes it overwhelms me. But I choose to walk toward it (even if I zigzag).

[lisahgolden]

I hope she goes. What an opportunity that might not come again. I wouldn't trade my summer in France for anything.

[טיול משפחות לאיטליה]

Usually it comes out looking like it has to look a certain way and that certain way includes a excellent sum of cash because I only know that one way of having something.