1000 posts. That's a lot of writing. A lot of revelations. A lot of in your face, knock your socks off, take your breath away, leave you reeling, bumping, snarling, laughing, maybe crying or ready to push me off a cliff now and then. Hopefully you weren't feeling like jumping yourself. I'd like to say I wasn't but that hasn't always been entirely true. But it's always been real. THAT you can count on.
So I should say something relevant now, right? Good thing I have something relevant to say. Who am I kidding. I always have something relevant to say. Maybe it's more like this: Good thing I have something interesting to say.
It's not so much. At the moment it's everything. Well, mostly everything. Or, everything in relative terms.
It's all relative.
I'm holding out on you. I could have given you, given me a single sentence and let it hang there all by itself and in a way that would have been enough.
Post # 1000
I am stupid, crazy, part way out of my cotton picking mind in love with a wholly inappropriate man who is only inappropriate in that he's a man and he's available and therefore I'm, wait for it...
at risk.
Wait. That might actually make him appropriate.
Ah, god, those tectonic plates are shifting again. Not ice floes this time though.
It's a wonderful thing that I feel this way. Truly.
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So that thing you said, Shadow, about having seen the beginning, the middle and the end, that I glommed right onto. That thing that stopped me every time I looked a man in the eye and said, oh HELL no. Here's the thing. I can't see the beginning, middle and the end of this one. I can't see much at all other than this: Don't skip steps. Don't leave anything out. Be conscious. Be still. Listen. Don't worry about what isn't. And be alive.
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Every time I see him, I stop breathing.
He can out pace me but he's willing to stop and wait.
Did you all hear that?
He can out pace me. And I haven't turned and run the other way.
I have NEVER allowed that to happen. Not in my whole entire life.
He must be a very, very gentle man.
Oh my!
Posted by: jules | March 12, 2013 at 11:17 AM
I don't know if you've read it already, but Time Enough for Love. It's science fiction, but it is also an awesome map of rediscovering why you want to live. It is a long book, but I wished it was twice as long when I was turning the last page. It was given to me by a coworker when I was at a turning point in relationships. I may have recommended it already, come to think of it...
Posted by: shadowmoss | March 13, 2013 at 09:46 AM