Alecto's Ophelia

Yes, well, that

OK, Spartacus, here we go:

1. Where was I ten years ago?
   September 16, 1998, um, lets see, I was at the pinnacle of my tech ed and doc career (almost exactly a year before the shit hit the fan and I moved up that awful slick slope into management where everything slowly crumbled into a hell I'm still trying to wipe off myself (no, I'm not bitter, I'm just still trying to figure out what the f&ck went so horribly wrong)) and everything I did was golden. I was making significant money for the first time in my life and was still trying to figure out why they were paying me to do something that was not only incredibly fun but left me feeling accomplished and competent in ways I had never experienced. I traveled extensively and still liked it. I was in a new relationship that still seemed like a good idea. I did not, however, have possession of my kids until the following summer. That part sucked and was my own fault for not standing up to my ex in the first place. And now that I look at it, it took another nine years before I really took a solid stand.
2. What is on my to do list today?
   I don't really have to do lists because they confuse me. Seriously, they do. It's not that I don't have some vague understanding of what needs to occur (I surely do or I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a job and my kids wouldn't eat). So here's what I'm thinking of just now. I need to complete my internal security audit, get the Lonely Planet to sign off on it, see if I can't figure out what makes two of those security codes tick and whether we really need them or not before Audit asks me, for the third year in a row, why we have them. I really ought to get going on the waste management templates so that that awfully nice man down south can get on with his plant reporting (he's just hell on Excel templates) but I could maybe avoid that for another day or two because I absolutely HATE how he links his Excel calcs against my very slick database (instead of just using the db calcs that I built for him). I will meet with my boss and his peer to discuss the sixth or seventh revival of a database I've kept limping along for two and a half years and everybody says they can't live without but not many people actually touch it. I will field desperate support calls from local plants and maybe if you haven't pissed me off completely I'll actually take your call (do NOT piss off the only support person you've got). After that I'm going to go home, I had to drive today and did not like it one bit, and finish up the black beans and rice I started last night for tonight's dinner and then I'll start on the spaghetti sauce for Thursday which will be made with the tomatoes from the farmer's market I roasted on Sunday while hanging with the girls and then we'll eat dinner or maybe we already ate dinner. After that I'll read a little more of Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma (don't do it unless you're ready to never eat anything from a supermarket, including Whole Foods, again) and then I'll spend some serious quality time with Little Girl and then she'll go to bed and then we'll have some serious quality time with my guy. Whew. That's some to do list. All subject to change at a moments notice with the exception of those last two things. Those will happen regardless.
3. What would I do if I were a billionaire.
   Um. I'll come back to this? Oh, Christ, no, this is one sure way to get me wrapped so tight around the axle I won't move until Sunday.
4. Five places I've lived. Just five? Not possible, how would I pick? I'll start from the beginning.
   Holland Mi, Lansing Mi, Kalamazoo Mi (did I miss any, Mom?), Manchester CT, Moodus CT, Glastonbury CT, Fairfield CT (those are all before I turned 17), Fairfield CT (out of my parent's house), Weston CT, Oxford CT, Ansonia CT, Oxford CT, The Bronx (Van Cortlandt Park), Queens (Astoria), Stamford CT, Stamford CT (I moved), Weston CT. There, that's it to date.
5. Five bad habits. Very funny, again, so many, how do I pick?
   1. I react before thinking, this causes an enormous amount of pain for me and others.
   2. I don't listen to my own body and run it right into the ground more times than not.
   3. I don't ask for help and become overwhelmed and bogged down resulting in pain for me and others.
   4. I tend to isolate myself and don't let people in which supports bad habits one through three.
   5. I do not handle conflict well and tend to hold everything in until I blow. Again, more pain for me and others. Jeeze, that part wasn't fun at all.

I tag all of ya's. Go to it.

OK Sudie Meme

Have you ever witnessed/been in a wet t-shirt contest?
Yes and Yes.
Hot dogs or hamburgers?
Hot dogs
What's your favorite kind of chips?
Don't like 'em at all.
Have you ever twisted up a swing and then untwisted it and spun around?
Yes, love it, still do it at every opportunity.
What was your favorite contraption at a playground when you were a kid?
That's a hard one. Swings for sure but I sure do love the jungle gym.
What's a helix lucorum?
A pet snail.  I looked it up.
What's your favorite aquatic creature?
Horseshoe crabs.  Wish there were some left, they're the coolest looking scary things ever.
Who's the best teacher in your school?
Not in school, can't even remember school, too old for school...
Would you ever eat hufu?
(FYI...Hufu is a tofu-based product that is meant to resemble, as realistically as possible, the taste and texture of human flesh.)
I guess it depends on if I was real hungry. And if I could cook it up with a lot of garlic and then maybe a white wine lemon reduction.  Maybe.  Hmmm... hungry now.
How far away do you live from Ontario, Canada?
1,264 miles if I go up through Michigan. Google maps can do this, Mapquest cannot.
Have you ever been to Alaska?
No
Ever drive your car on a sidewalk?
Yes.
Would you rather bake brownies or cookies?
That's a hard call, depends on the audience.  If it's a serious chocolate fiend who will appreciate the delectable and delicate, then brownies.  If it's one of my kids and they're more impressed with the quantity of stuff I can pack into an oatmeal cookie and still have cookie parts appear, then cookies.
Do you like to make s'mores at a campfire?
I used to. Now I just like to burn the marshmallows and suck out the goo.
Who was your favorite power ranger?
I'm too old for power rangers.  Ask one of my older kids. They came in multiple colors, right?  I would probably like the blue one, I like blue.
What's your favorite flavor coffee?
coffee, strong enough to stand a spoon up, or melt the spoon, or something.  I once brewed espresso as coffee and fed it to RW. I'm still giggling. 
Do you own a knife?
many.
Are you pro or against the death penalty?
Not sure
How many scars do you have on your body, that are non-surgical?
hahahahah - OK, um, what if the doc had to sew me up after the fact?  Do those count?  I have loads of those. And the other kind that come from burns and abrasions and maybe a couple of times I should have seen the doc? Too many to count, I'm a scrappy kid, plus I fell out of a lot of trees head first before I figured out how not to.
What is one turn-off of someone you are interested in?
mean.
What is one turn-ON of someone you are interested in?
nice.
Do you own a fish?
not presently.
Do you think there's other life in the universe?
I hope so.
Are you afraid of cemeteries?
No...I LOVE cemeteries.  OK, the one in Old San Juan made me uncomfortable.
Ever been in a bar fight?
Yes.
Do you wear hats/beanies?
No, but I knit loads of them.
Would you rather have a hoodie or a comfy winter coat?
Both
Do you sleep with your bedroom door open or closed?
closed
Are you the type that can sleep anywhere if need be?
Absolutely.
What are you mostly addicted to?
What day is it? Sex, mostly I think.
Are you supposed to be doing something else instead of this survey?
Not really, if I touched my database again right now I might break it and I'm not ready to pack up and leave yet.
Where's the last country you think you'd ever go on vacation to?
Vacation or Exploration? I'm thinking.  I'm thinking there are some places I should not go and there are some places I'm fairly certain I cannot go but I'm not sure there are any places I do not want to go. I do not think I can go to Iraq with my current passport and I cannot go to Cuba although maybe by way of Canada and I am afraid to go to India because I think I would empty my bank account in a matter of minutes and not be able to come home.
Have you ever eaten anything that was inside a garbage can?
Yes.
What will your wedding song be?
I won't be having anymore weddings.  My first wedding song was Time in a Bottle.  It should have been Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. There was a lot of music played at my last wedding but the piece that started the ceremony, that I was listening to when I was by myself waiting for Jeffrey to take me to NoMans was Tracy Chapman's The Promise.  I still cry when I hear it.
How many times do you say "fuck" a day?
With my out loud voice?  Probably no more than twice.  With the other voice, probably quite a bit more.
What's your most-used swear word?
Currently my favorite is fuckwad, I think fuckwad conveys a lot. 
Do you fear death?
I don't think so (not actively) but then I haven't been faced with it in awhile either.
Do you go to the beach in the summertime?
Yes, every year, same beach since 1972.
What's your favorite video game?
Don't play them, don't have any.  Is that weird?
Are you currently dating someone?
Married to, living with...
Have you cheated on them?
Nope.
Have you ever played in a huge mud slide?
No but it sounds like fun.  I did once climb into a large vat of jello with all my clothes on which turned out not to be such a good idea.
Do you like to play football with your friends?
No.
Do you like big crowds?
No.
When was the last time you checked the time?
Before I started this.
How bored are you, exactly?
I'm not bored at all.

The Data Trolls Picnic

To the tune of Teddy Bear's Picnic...

If you login to the server today
You're in for a big surprise
If you login to the server today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every troll that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the Data Trolls have their picnic.

Picnic time for Data Trolls
The gnarly Data Trolls are having a festive time today.
Spy them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock they'll trash your binary
Chew your cable and melt your raid
Because they're tired little Data Trolls.

If you login to the server today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the server today,
But better to stay at home.

For every Troll that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day you migrate your data in real time!

If you login to the server today
You'd better not go alone
If you login to the server today
You might as well gnaw your own bones.

Every Data Troll, that's ever been bad
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And devious games to play.

Beneath the cabinets, where nobody sees
They'll hide and cavort as long as they please
Today's the day the Data Trolls have their picnic!

If you login to the server today
You'd better go in prepared
If you login to the server today
You'd better have Norton in bed...

Because... today's the day the Data Trolls have their piiiccccniccccc!

many, many apologies to John W Bratton

Road Rage - How Justice Was Metted Out in the Route 7 Corridor

There is a science to driving in traffic; rules, regulations and social mores developed and clearly understood by the ever-widening organized aggregate called 'that wave of people I drive to work with every day'. Some examples of these rules might be

• don't come to a complete stop at that three-way on Cedar, just look right and go if you can, otherwise we get backed up to that last stop and then all hell breaks loose.
• look left at the three-way at the end of Cedar, if you can see cars, turn right and go around, this appears to meter the flow.
• stay in the right lane starting 3 lights back (or when you start to see congestion) if you are going to make the right turn to Super 7. we all hereby agree that we will not use the funnel method at the last light.
• if the line to get on 95 South is past the hospital, go to the next exit, turn right, turn right, go straight and get on one exit south.  This appears to meter things.
• if you do get in line to enter 95 South from Super 7 make sure you merge in the funnel method a the end.  Do not go driving up the shoulder or someone will chase your ass down and put you on time out.

Those are just a few, but they are the big ones and they are an amazing occurrence that helps us collectively manage the horrendous overflow that we are. Lately another rule has been developing but I'm not sure where it's going because it involves a somewhat dangerous and winding dirt road without a guard rail, above a river as a bypass to some significant backup caused by the overflow of Local 7 evacuees coming out of Redding, Ridgefield and Wilton.  We know this will stop once the construction moves from the intersection at Wilton High school to beyond the route 33 cutoff where 7 can be skirted alternatively. In the mean time, how many people will go around, causing another metering affect, and how many people will choose to spend an average of 7 minutes in line waiting to get past the new meter (which is finally developing a funnel approach to each detoured vehicle allowing the release of one hostage vehicle in line as if we have added our own stop sign.

In any event, these rules are developed out of necessity, over time and without anyone but a few collective spouses actually speaking a word of it. Think about this, the old brain kicks in the hive mentality and if we accept (without much thought I would imagine) that we are part of this large moving organism then we manage to make it a little better for everyone.  So what happens when somebody gets out of line?  I saw it this morning and still can't believe what I witnessed.

Before I launch the story of the VW Bug and the Pickup, let me say that there are always a few spoilers who won't get in line and wait their turn and for the most part we deal with them effectively by refusing to let them in until the last minute, causing multiple I'm going to be late for work because I'll have to go around heart attacks. By and large, in this part of Southern Connecticut, despite Nanny's opinion, the drivers are rational, well behaved and sane.

So this morning I'm in line waiting to get on Super 7 and the VW Bug in the left lane is getting ready to dive in front of the truck in front of me as soon as he opens up so much as an inch. Well he does open an inch.  He opens a good 2 or 3 feet and then steps on the gas to catch up.  She misses his quarter panel by a coon's hair. They are momentarily deadlocked.

He starts yelling at her, she is yelling back (this was her biggest mistake, if she'd just looked at him with that 'I'm a complete moron and I can't believe I just did that to you' look, he would probably have been diffused). I am sitting in my car giving NoMans the play by play because he is too far behind to see it. I realize at this point that he has his door open.  She guns her engine and dives in front of him as he's lost track of the line while yelling at her. I wonder if she did hit him? He chases her down the line and gets all up in her stuff. This cannot be comfortable and I am thinking I'm going to be late to work because he's going to run her into a telephone pole and then we'll all have to wait but part of me is glad for this display of public punishment because I notice not one car from the left lane made any attempt to cut over.  Suddenly they all had somewhere else to be.

At the turn she performs another faux pas and cuts up on the right, which does not make the final left onto Super 7 but continues back into the deeps of Wilton. I know what she's going to do and she doesn't let me down.  Like the terrified sneak that she is, she slips in front of a dump truck at the very last minute and makes the turn.  The Pickup truck is right behind her. I am right behind him (both of us in the correct lanes, just gunning it).  I am not about to miss any of this.

The VW Sneak leads us on a merry chase across the 3 mile connecting stretch of Super 7.  We are doing close to 90 mph before I come to my senses and let them go.  I am disappointed to have missed the rest of the show but I don't think I ought to be doing 90 in traffic, even if it is keeping up with me.  I get back in the right lane and behave myself.

I approach the line to 95 South and determine that I am in alignment with the Norwalk Hospital rule and do not have to go around. I look up and see that I am about six vehicles behind the Pickup Truck.  How did this happen? Suddenly he makes as if to pull back into the middle lane and changes his mind.  He has done this because the VW was coming up on his left and he intended to scare the bejesus out of her.  How did she get behind me? One more time.  To drive the point home. After that I have no idea what happened.  All I know is I stayed with the Pickup truck all the way to exit 9 where he got off (I get off exit 8). My guess is she decided to meter herself one exit down.  Or just go home and call it a day.