Good-Bye Jeffrey
On the state of being fearful

One more chance to do for Jeffrey

I don't have anything today. I made Bolognese and Tomato Rice Lamb soup for the Christmas baskets. NoMans is canning them now. Meat takes a long time. Tomorrow I think more jam and lemon curd and Pannetone and then I'll be done with it but I don't have anything.

I will give a eulogy on Wednesday because My Girl wants it. Migdalia too, it seems. She says "Daddy always does the eulogies but he does not want to this time and you are so like his sister, Val, so you must do it." I don't know who she means by Daddy. Does she mean Jeffrey or does she mean Jeffrey's Dad? I don't suppose I'm meant to know. She says "He kept asking for Valentine and then Valentine was there but then you were there, I turned and blinked, first it was Val and then it was you and I thought, this is the same person. So you have to do the story, OK?"  "OK"

"What kind of story do you want, Nev? I can do stories." And I am thinking I've done a bunch of eulogies and I'm really good at this and I want to talk about how Jeffrey gathered people around him and how he could give like he was breathing but My Girl wants something funny.


She says, "I think you had your pulse on who Daddy really was. You know, that twisted sense of humor and how he always had so much fun." And I'm thinking, 'Oh, God, yeah, he had loads of fun but what about how he felt about his family and how that was such a shock to us after knowing him for so long at work.' But you know what? Nevvy already knows this part. She wants funny.


I know there are a lot of really funny Jeffrey stories but this is hard for me right now. But then I remind myself that this is sure as shit not about me or what I want or think or feel. This is one last chance to do something for Jeffrey. I can give his family what they need.

Yes. I can do this. Funny. Who knew? Damn, Jeffrey, this is some island you got going on here.

I love you.