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August 12, 2018



I don't listen to music anymore. Sometimes I'll be sent down a YouTube rabbit hole and spend hours listening to a group from 'back then' and find new feelings about the music. But I don't listen at home or in the car. There is an Arlo and Janis cartoon from awhile ago where Janis (wife) is listening to music on her iSomething and Arlo actually says, I never hear the music anymore. Not sure how I feel about all that.


I do hear the music. What I question is why I'm not listening to the music. Do you not hear it or do you not listen to it?

I stopped listening to music for a very long time. It didn't happen all at once but do remember it happening in the car first. I needed silence. There was already too much noise in my head and it was just making it worse. When I was fifteen it was the one thing that kept my feet on the ground. The last time I danced was in Saratoga Springs with Ceilo in February, 2016. That was absolutely the last time I got lost in any music at all.

But I do go down YouTube rabbit holes; that's for sure. It's the wandering path sort of thing though. I'll look something up for some reason and I may or may not listen to all of it but I'll look at what YouTube throws up on the sidebar and I may or may not follow those trails. Sometimes I wander into the past and sometimes I fall off a completely random cliff.

Mom. How do you even know that song?

What song?

The song you're SINGING RIGHT NOW!

Oh. I don't know. Maybe I heard it on tv or something.

You don't watch tv and we don't have tv and that's a new song.

I really don't know, A.


God, like that's a bad thing? No I have not.

I found it that way. I found it that way the day after Meg's wedding when Mike returned my car and I got into it and it was turned up loud to talk radio and while I was interested to know what he was interested in, I was having a conversation with A and turned it down and finally off. Later I turned it back on but there was music and it wasn't bad. It was public radio but I wasn't sure which station because as soon as I started driving south it was out. Later I asked him and he told me. I tuned in FUV which is out of Fordham and can hold on all the way to the Basking Ridge exit before it sputters and goes to static and that's when I heard my DJs still doing their damn best with what they had and periodically sneaking something in there.

And now I do listen sometimes but most times it still is too much.

I have heard a lot though in the last two weeks putting the music together for the girls, moving files about, searching, diving down more YouTube rabbit holes and noting that the most current piece of music on the first two CDs I burned is from The Flaming Lips and that shit is older than I thought.

Even The Low Anthem is old.


I go with silence, mostly. I left out the part in Arlo and Janis that Janis has earphones on to listen to the music, so he no longer hears it, it isn't a shared experience anymore. I got bored listening to classic rock stations that played the same music over and over and when I moved to Nashville in '92 I turned to country music. After a few years all the new acts sounded the same there, mostly heading to pop. So, at some point I turned off the radio, some move I just never set up the stereo again. I don't have my TV set up, either. My current car doesn't have anything but a radio and a USB outlet. I'm guessing I could figure out how to use a thumbdrive to listen to music if I really wanted to. After all this I may make the effort.


I finally kind'a figured out how to make my car and phone talk to each other, so I loaded the 250 or so CDs I've ripped over the years, onto my phone. Still need to rip the other 800 or so that languish in the basement. For short trips, it's easier to let NPR talk radio go but for longer trips, out comes the phone/music.

Wow, what joy, listening to my music again - some I bought and listened to once, only now some 20+ years later to be resurrected ...

Wow. I have that? Cool.

Yesterday, Patrick Ball entertained and saddened me with his tale of Gwilan's Harp ... here's a sample ... https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B000SCH5OO/ref=dm_ws_tlw_trk6

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