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September 08, 2018



I feel like I need to comment as I feel like I have something to say. Hopefully, the words will come. At some point. Mostly, there is life after the house. It is hard to get to, but worth it. Once the separation happens emotionally, all that stuff stops being so important. Then was when I started thinking for myself, not reacting. It took 3 years of retirement. Living in the RV. There are still details to close out from my previous life, but they get smaller all the time. Hopefully this hasn't come out as if I'm trivializing anything. Just know there is life after. After stepping over the chasm.


Ok, practical words now. Storage Unit(s). Climate controlled if the area dictates it. It's not about the monetary value of the stuff inside, it's about what it's worth to postpone the work (emotional mostly) of making the decisions Right Now. Yeah, I still have stuff to go through, but I'm taking my time and keeping my mind. I got separation from the stuff to let myself make those decisions below the conscious level. Get started on the new life. Put the 'stuff' on hold for a bit. Or for a long time. Cheaper per month than keeping an entire house to hold it. I pay $315mo for my RV spot, $122/mo for the storage unit. A small apartment would cost more than that.

Ok, that's all I got.


Shadow, I remember reading about you starting to let go of things. Actually, you were in the process already and you were talking yourself through having less because the weight of things had become too much to bear; or at least that's how I read it but I came in mid-way and that's quite a few years ago. Anyway, there was a photograph. I think you had things laid out on your bed; it doesn't matter what they were. You were either choosing or had already done the choosing. The point is, you were going for minimal with intention and you noted that you didn't always get it right but you kept focusing and I thought about the desirability of minimal. Some of the things I own, I own out of obligation. It isn't that I don't love them, I do; it's that I may be the last of my kind and I come from a very long line and my ancestors mean a great deal to me, especially having grown up feeling so unrooted - no religion, no community, no known history, no close family ties in the immediate vicinity (closest was a two hour drive and then up to New Hampshire and out of reach and never mind the midwest), and the emptiest of all empties, no idea where I came from. No ancestors. So when I found them, when they were finally handed to me and I could put the pieces together a little at a time, I felt grounded, like an actual person who might have come from somewhere and belong to someone within the safety of the herd.

It's a funny thing to bind all that together with some china cups and a crystal water glass and its matching carafe with the name Cora etched into the glass telling me exactly who's hands these things passed through before they came to me. Quite a few. I turn to pass them and meet empty air.

So. That is probably what will go to climate controlled storage as well as one set of bedroom furniture although I can probably convince Elizabeth to take her Great Grandmother's bedroom set with her when she goes. Apparently she's damned attached to it.

I do not think I should put the dollhouse in storage but I might be wrong. Maybe that is something I should leave for last. Maybe I should show up one year in a pickup truck and deposit it on someone's front lawn with a note suggesting that the damn thing NOT be plugged in :)

And yes, that is significantly less then a small apartment anywhere that I know of.

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