I ran over my glasses with the lawn mower today. Really. I've seen other people do this sort of thing; they scramble around on all fours squinting at the ground and begging the dirt gods to cough up something viable.... Read more →
Channeling Carl Spackler I start out with a dangerously sharp four pronged implement of destruction and the fervent belief that I'm tackling no more than undesirable rhizomes and maybe some grass and stuff - because there is always grass and... Read more →
This is what an eleven year old Prius cannot do: 65 mph uphill in the rain with about four times the load it can reasonably be expected to bear. All three vehicles had about four times the load they can... Read more →
Why? Why do I, personally, need all tens? I'm not leaving the rest of you out of the mix, don't worry; I'm sure some of you twitch at a nine or an eight. Just like me. I'm out of time.... Read more →
Hank could not believe she would do this. To staple a gold paper crown to his head and drop him down a well was one thing. To leave him down here with half a pack of Newport Lights and one... Read more →
I had a job to do and you made a mess of that. Not only do my job descriptions change without notice every two or three hundred years, but at least once a decade some dumb ass comes into this... Read more →
Eponym's Pub attempted to commence business at the tail end of the Miocene Epoch; this was a financial disaster as most of its client base was still trying to find the land bridge. The staff attempted to collect unemployment benefits... Read more →
In all fairness, the lines that bound Tansnir and Tangrid snapped in battle. No mischief intended, but it made for a better story with the added benefit of a royally pissed off Torben. The goats belonged on Baffin Island, but... Read more →
They were lovely babies, Hank, what the hell happened? You fed them too much gluten. I did not! Yes you did. You fed them pasta as soon as they had four teeth between them. Well, it's not like they would... Read more →
At the end of January, the polar vortex came though forcing me to visit the storage room. I don't much care for the storage room. It's dark, crowded, and occupied. At the end of November, Lawerence Fischman made a sound... Read more →